Just When I Thought I Knew Who I Was

A Year-End Evolution

Written 11:47 AM, December 29, 2024

You ever have one of those moments where reality decides to completely rewrite your script? Yeah, I'm sitting here, still buzzing from my year-end holotropic breathwork session, trying to process what just happened. My apartment still smells like the steaks I bought before the session (more on that in a moment), and I can't stop shaking my head at the cosmic humor of it all.

[Had to pause writing for a minute because the room keeps doing that thing where it feels simultaneously too big and too small...]

As I write this, sipping what might be my last cup of bone broth (my daily ritual for the past year), I can feel my mouth physically recoiling. The rich liquid that used to feel nourishing now feels... alien. My body is literally refusing to swallow. Okay, message received, Universe.

Here's the deal: I just got one of those downloads. You know the ones - where the universe basically taps you on the shoulder and goes "Hey buddy, got a minute?" Except this time, it wasn't asking. This time, it was more like "So, you're going to be vegan soon."

Not a command. Not a suggestion. Just... certainty. Pure, crystal-clear certainty dropping into my consciousness like a pebble into still water.

The really wild part? Part of me knew this was coming. Been fighting it for years, actually. Last time I tried going vegan, I ended up with B12 deficiency and ran back to my bone broth and steaks like they were old friends.

[Just had to get up and open all the windows because the meat smell is making my cells literally recoil. What the actual fuck is happening to my body?]

Here's where it gets interesting: Before the breathwork session, I'd just stocked my freezer with ten premium steaks. Feeling pretty smug about my prep for the new year. Then I come home after the session, and... holy shit. The smell. It's like my entire sensory system got rewired in those two hours of breathwork. The scent of meat that used to make my mouth water now feels like it's scraping against my consciousness.

The Historical Context: When Bodies Know Before Minds

This isn't a new phenomenon. Throughout history, as practitioners move deeper into spiritual practice, these kinds of sensory shifts are well-documented. In the Mahayana Buddhist tradition, many advanced practitioners naturally gravitated toward vegetarian diets without any external pressure or moral dictates. Their bodies simply started rejecting heavier foods as their consciousness refined.

[Had to stop typing again because my hands are literally buzzing with some kind of electric energy. The air feels thick, like reality is trying to tell me something...]

The download came with a footnote, by the way. A little cosmic wink: "And this time, you'll research it properly." Thanks, Universe. Good to know you've been paying attention to my previous dietary misadventures.

The Evolution of Perception

But here's what's really cooking my noodle right now: This isn't just about food. As I sit here watching my sensory perception shift in real time (seriously, colors are doing weird things and I swear I can feel the electrical fields of my appliances), I'm realizing this is about something much deeper.

In the traditional Buddhist texts, there's extensive documentation of how practitioners' sensory experiences change as they progress through the bhūmis (stages of awakening). It's not just about becoming more "spiritual" - it's about the entire system recalibrating to handle higher frequencies of consciousness.

[Just caught my reflection in the window and for a second it looked like I was made of light. The boundary between "me" and "not me" feels increasingly theoretical...]

The more I move through these stages of awakening (currently navigating the 5th bhūmi, for those keeping score at home), the more I'm noticing how everything gets... refined. It's like my entire system is becoming more sensitive, more attuned. The body isn't just getting pickier - it's getting wiser.

Ancient texts talk about this process as a natural purification - the body's intelligence naturally gravitating toward what supports higher states of consciousness. It's not about forcing change through willpower; it's about allowing the system to evolve naturally as consciousness expands.

The Science Behind the Shift

Modern research is starting to catch up to what mystics have known for millennia. Studies on advanced meditators show significant changes in sensory processing, with many reporting:

• Increased sensitivity to subtle energies

• Changes in taste preferences

• Enhanced smell discrimination

• Altered processing of visual and auditory input

• Heightened awareness of bodily states

[A moth just flew in through the window and landed on my screen, right where I was about to type. I swear it's nodding in agreement...]

To everyone out there experiencing unexpected shifts in your spiritual journey: Sometimes evolution doesn't look like what we think it should. Sometimes it looks like standing in your kitchen at midnight, windows wide open in winter, wondering why your carefully planned protein strategy suddenly feels like it belongs to someone else's life.

The Integration Point

The ancient yogic texts describe this process as "pratyahara" - not just withdrawal of the senses, but a fundamental reorganization of how we perceive and process sensory input. What I'm experiencing now feels like pratyahara in reverse - instead of withdrawing, my senses are expanding, becoming more refined, more discriminating.

So here I am, on the edge of 2025, realizing that just when I thought I had myself figured out, the universe had other plans. The steaks in my freezer feel like artifacts from a different timeline, and my body is humming with changes I don't fully understand yet.

Maybe that's what evolution really feels like - not a smooth upward trajectory, but a series of moments where what used to feel right suddenly doesn't, and what used to feel impossible suddenly feels inevitable.

Moving Forward

For those curious about the practical side of this transition, here's what I'm looking at:

• B12 supplementation (done right this time)

• Focus on complete plant proteins

• Monitoring energy levels and meditation experiences

• Regular blood work to track nutrient levels

• Integration of traditional Buddhist dietary wisdom with modern nutritional science

To 2025: I don't know exactly who I'm going to be when I meet you, but I'm pretty sure they won't be eating steak.

Still vibrating with change, Cian

P.S. Drop a 🌱 in the comments if you've ever had reality completely rewrite your script. Let's compare notes on what evolution really feels like.

P.P.S. If anyone wants some premium steaks, my freezer is having a going-out-of-business sale. My consciousness is apparently moving on, and it's taking my taste buds with it. 😉