The Quantum Path
From CPAP Machines to Cosmic Consciousness
The candle's almost burned out, casting strange shadows on my wall as reality does that thing where it starts to show its quantum seams. You know those moments when the familiar suddenly becomes extraordinary, when the solid world reveals itself as something far more fluid and alive?
That's where I am right now, watching the flame dance and realizing it's time to share something I've never fully articulated before. A story that's as much about unlearning as it is about awakening.
The Cosmic Irony
Here's the first paradox: I was literally born into Buddhism. My mom was deep into Zen, my dad was walking the tantric path. Before I could form memories, I was already sitting in full lotus position (there's an adorable naked baby photo somewhere to prove it). The universe has a twisted sense of humor though, because what did I do with this spiritual inheritance?
I ran. Hard. Fast. Far.
Straight into the welcoming arms of materialism, technology, and what society calls "success." Built a tech career, bought the big house, drove the fancy car, chased all the zeros in my bank account. Classic story of spiritual rebellion, right?
[The candle just flickered in what feels like cosmic agreement...]
The Wake-Up Call
The universe, though, has its own way of bringing us home. Mine came in the form of a sleep study and a doctor's declaration that changed everything: "You'll need to wear this CPAP machine. Every night. For the rest of your life."
I was 240 pounds at the time, successful by every external measure, and completely disconnected from my body's wisdom. The doctor's exact words still echo: "You couldn't lose enough weight. This is just your reality now."
Something deep inside me - something that remembered who I really was - rose up and simply said: "No."
That "no" wasn't just to a machine. It was a rejection of an entire paradigm of living. It sparked a journey into biohacking, sleep optimization, and eventually, back to the meditation cushion I'd been avoiding my whole adult life.
The Blue Buddha Breakthrough
Then came the moment that shattered my materialist worldview forever. Three months into a basic meditation practice - just ten minutes a day, nothing fancy - reality cracked open.
The office disappeared. My sense of self disappeared. And there, more real than anything I'd ever experienced, was a massive blue Buddha, radiating an awareness that made my normal consciousness feel like a cheap fluorescent bulb next to the sun.
What followed was a week of pure wonder - getting lost in water droplets, seeing trees as if for the first time, experiencing reality without the filter of my conditioning. Then my ego freaked out and slammed the door shut. But you can't unsee what you've seen. You can't unfeel what you've felt.
The Paradox of Teaching
This is where the story takes an interesting turn. As I deepened in practice, studied with various teachers, and began facilitating others' awakening, I encountered a profound paradox about spiritual teaching and commerce.
Here's the thing about spiritual transmission - it's like water. It needs to flow freely. The moment you start putting price tags on it, something subtle but crucial changes. It's not that charging for teachings is wrong - teachers need to eat too - but the energy shifts the moment money becomes the primary motivator.
I discovered this firsthand when my coaching business started growing. The market has its own logic, its own demands. To scale, to grow, to "succeed," you need to speak its language. But that language often distorts the very essence of what you're trying to transmit.
[Just watched a moth circle the candle flame - perfect metaphor for how we dance with these energetic forces...]
The Quantum Leap
After years of balancing these different worlds - the spiritual and the commercial, the ancient and the modern - something cracked open. COVID hit, and suddenly all the structures I'd built felt like chains. The five-bedroom house, the long-term relationship, the successful business - they all felt like artifacts from a different consciousness.
So I let it all go. Traveled the world for three years, studying with shamans in Peru, diving into tantra in India, exploring the edges of consciousness wherever I could find them. But here's what I discovered: the real journey wasn't in the external seeking. It was in the gradual dissolution of the seeker itself.
Reality From the Other Side
Now, sitting here in what Buddhism calls the Fifth Bhūmi (a stage of awakening), I'm watching reality do things that would have blown my materialist mind a few years ago. Time isn't linear anymore - it's more like a dimension we can move through sideways. Thoughts don't just arise in consciousness; they arise AS consciousness, like waves in an infinite ocean.
The really wild part? This isn't some special state. It's how reality actually is, all the time. We just get hypnotized by our limited perception of it. It's like we're fish who've forgotten we're swimming in water.
From this vantage point, I can see how every step of the journey was perfect - even the running away, even the materialism, even the resistance. It was all part of the dance. The universe wasn't just calling me home; it was using every apparent obstacle as a stepping stone.
The Integration Point
Here's what I'm discovering now: awakening isn't about escaping the human experience - it's about fully embodying it. Those early morning meditation insights? They need to be lived in the marketplace. That cosmic consciousness? It needs to dance with paying bills and doing laundry.
The biggest revelation? The path isn't about becoming something new. It's about recognizing what we've always been. That blue Buddha I saw wasn't showing me something external - it was showing me my own face, my own nature, what all of us are beneath the masks we wear.
A New Chapter
So here I am, starting fresh in Vancouver. The business is gone - consciously dissolved when I saw how market forces were subtly corrupting the transmission. I'm exploring new ways to serve that don't require compromising the teachings. Writing here on mindhacker.com, facilitating healing sessions by donation, finding that delicate balance between being in the world but not of it.
To those just finding these writings: welcome to this corner of the quantum field. What you'll find here isn't spiritual bypassing or manifestation techniques or quick fixes. It's raw transmissions from the edge of consciousness, explorations of what happens when we stop running from who we really are.
Because here's what I know now: every step away from our true nature is secretly a step toward it. Every "no" to false limitation is a "yes" to something vast and beautiful trying to emerge through us.
The candle's almost out now, but something else is illuminating the room - that same light I first glimpsed in the blue Buddha's eyes. It's been here all along, in every word, every breath, every moment of resistance and surrender.
This is just the beginning.
Drop a 🌀 in the comments if you've ever sensed that larger reality trying to peek through the cracks in your ordinary consciousness. Let's map this quantum territory together.
Still floating in wonder, Cian
P.S. For those wondering about specific practices or techniques - they're coming. But first, I wanted you to know the context, the journey, the human being behind the teachings. Because in the end, that's what this is all about - being radically, authentically human while remembering we're also infinitely more than that. 💫